If you're smart enough to mastermind a life of crime, you ought to be smart enough to avoid getting caught. The idiots on this list managed to ruin their incredibly lucky bit of freedom with several horrifyingly stupid moves. From tattooing a crime scene on their chest, to plastering their whereabouts all over Facebook, to trying find a hit man on Craigslist, these are the dumbest criminals who were in the clear and then totally botched it.
What are the dumbest criminals who would have gotten away with their crimes were it not for their own slip-ups? Take a look at these fools and see for yourself.
The 10 Dumbest Criminals Who Got Away With It (Then Didn't),
Man Gets Away With Bank Fraud...Then Updates Everyone via Facebook
Maxi Sopo, a 26-year-old fugitive hiding out in Mexico, was smart enough to commit bank fraud, yet somehow it slipped his mind to remove a former Justice Department official from his friends list.
The Cameroon native consistently updated his status from Cancun, detailing what a rockin' good time he was having evading charges of bank fraud in Seattle.
Memorable status updates included "LIFE IS VERY SIMPLE REALLY!!!! BUT SOME OF US HUMANS MAKE A MESS OF IT ... REMEMBER AM JUST HERE TO HAVE FUN PARTEEEEEEE."
Sopo arrived in the US in 2003 and sold roses in Seattle nightclubs until, according to prosecutors, he moved on to bank fraud. PARTEEEEE!
After initial police efforts to find Sopo on Facebook and Myspace were unsuccessful, FBI agent Seth Reeg looked again, found Sopo's private profile, and tapped into his public list of friends.
As it turns out, a former Justice Department employee had met Sopo briefly in the Seattle night club scene and was more than happy to help officials. Sopo is facing up to 30 years in prison, but I'm sure he'll keep us updated.
Robbery Note Written on Pay Stub Leads to Arrest
An Illinois man, Thomas Infante, entered the Fifth Third Bank in December of 2008 with the goal of obtaining some unearned cash.
He made off with just under $400 before authorities tracked him to his Cary home.
The FBI was called in and quickly realized that they were dealing with no mastermind when they discovered that he had written a note threatening tellers to "Be Quick Be Quit (sic). Give your cash or I'll shoot..." wait for it... on his October pay stub.
He was held without bond before being sentenced to 46 months in prison and ordered to repay the $397 that was stolen. Oops.
Smoker Unwittingly Confesses to Arson
A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire, among other things.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued....and won.
In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed that the claim was frivolous, yet stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."
After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
Man Sells Presidential Documents on eBay
Daniel D. Lorello, a 54-year-old New York state employee, was arrested and charged with three felonies, third-degree grand larceny, fourth-degree criminal possession of stolen property, and first-degree scheme to defraud.
Apparently, Lorello attempted to sell several items belonging to the New York State Library on eBay, including a four-page letter that John C. Calhoun, vice president of the United States under John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson, wrote in 1823 to a New York general. Joseph Romito, a Virginia attorney and former teacher, was the complaining witness that brought the auction of the Calhoun letter to the attention of state authorities.
The auction generated bids exceeding $1,700, according to the statement issued by Cuomo. State investigators are in the process of recovering hundreds of documents that will eventually be returned to the State Library.
Among the library's other documents are a set of autographs of the signers of the Declaration of Independence, manuscripts from the original draft of George Washington's farewell address, an original first draft of Abraham Lincoln's emancipation Proclamation, and numerous books and memorabilia regarding Theodore Roosevelt.
Dead Men Tell No Tales
Michael Hess escaped from prison in 1979 and couldn't be found anywhere until 1997. Hess was originally arrested in 1972 for grand larceny, five counts of armed robbery, and one count of marijuana possession. State records indicate that he should have received at least 35 years in prison, but Tampa police claimed it was actually a sentence of 65 years. Only 8 years were served before his escape.
The story of his great escape is that he was working at a prison car wash and "just left." Sometime after his escape, he met a widower who, feeling sorry for the man, offered him the use of her late husband's identity.
Michael Hess then became Charles Swiger, and even paid his taxes. Detective Rick Cochran unraveled Hess's double identity, found an ex-girlfriend who knew of Hess's whereabouts, tracked him down to the bar where he was working as a cook, and then brought him in. When arrested at 57 years of age, he still had 57 years to serve. "He's got a life sentence no matter what he does," Cochran said.
Woman Uses Craigslist to Hire Hitman
Ann Marie Linscott posted a Craigslist ad for some general "freelance" work, before explaining her true intentions to the individuals that responded; she wanted them to "eradicate a female living in Oroville, California." Linscott offered $5,000 for the hit, gave the name and work address of the woman she wanted dead, and described successful candidates as "silent assassins," according to agents and court documents.
"I've seen some screwy things, but I've personally never heard of anything like this," said Drew Parenti, special agent in charge of the Sacramento FBI office. "For a person to advertise openly for a hit man on Craigslist." Agents arrested Linscott, whom they say used the simple alias "Marie," at her home in Grand Rapids, Mich. Butte County authorities worked with the FBI to identify the victim and her husband. Linscott was sentenced to 12 years and 7 months in prison.
Man Defends Himself in Court and Accidentally Admits to the Crime
Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this when he fired his lawyer and decided that he could counsel himself. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your [expletive] head off."
The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.
James Wombles: The GPS Criminal
Everyone get out your Polly Pocket notebooks, because we've got some serious advice: Don't attempt breaking & entering while wearing a GPS tracking anklet given to you by the police. You will not get away with it.
James Wombles, a Springfield Ohio native, committed several robberies in the Clark and Miami county areas. Wombles (who, by the sound of his name, is the clumsy nephew of one of the Teletubbies) was already under police surveillance due to a previous stolen property charge, and didn't realize that his GPS anklet would actually prevent him from slipping away from the scene of the crime spree.
Who would have thought? He is slated to stand trial later this year.
Man Gets Away With Murder, Then Tattoos Crime Scene on His Chest
L.A. county sheriff's investigator Kevin Lloyd was flipping through photographs of tattooed gang members (most likely picking out a design for himself, the rebel) and stumbled upon some super cool and very permanent evidence on Anthony Garcia, a Pico Rivera gang member responsible for a 2004 unsolved liquor store murder.
Rivera had key details of the crime scene tattooed on his chest, including the Christmas lights that lined the roof of the liquor store, the direction the victim John Juarez's body fell, and the bowed street light across the street from the store.
The "Rivera Kills" ink across his chest probably didn't help his case. Garcia was arrested while staying with relatives in La Habra.
Offender Makes the Same Mistake Twice
Christopher Jansen of Pontiac, Michigan, claimed to have been unfairly searched without a warrant. The prosecutor explained that the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket appeared to be a gun.
"Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court, then handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.